I've been in deep existential crisis these past few weeks. I have everything I want in life right now, and I am scared of change. I love existence, so I'm truly afraid of anything that goes against that.

I read Adichie's Notes on Grief in a bookstore today in one sitting. Admittedly, I should've spent a bit more time on it.

In my relatively short reading session, I felt her immense pain and her guilt. I could sense her disbelief and her struggle to come to terms with her new normal. I related to her deep love for her family, and I connected with her hatred for COVID and the instability that it brought.

I'm unsure as to how to think about Notes on Grief, though. In a way, it makes me even more terrified of change and of pain. I know I can't control anything, and time will always pass second by second.

I hope that when change happens, I can keep memories from the past, recounting the good and the funny of the people I love and of the people who love me.

I have a deep admiration for life, and I love the people in my life.